Have you ever had your emails come back to bite you when people have read them the wrong way? Have you had one of your emails be ignored?
In a world of business that is transitioning to become more and more digital, we've become more reliant on communicating via email and instant messaging platforms like Teams, or Zoom. This is often seem as a more convenient method of communication and one that requires less effort. But does it really just bring us advantages or is it partly a step back in how we communicate effectively in the workplace?
Since the start of 2020, COVID-19 has been a catalyst in accelerating the change to digital communication as companies find themselves having to transition employees to a remote work lifestyle. On face value, the idea of working from home for a lot of people is seen as a blessing - the opportunity to avoid the daily commute, the expensive lunch, and that dreaded return journey. We feel more productive as we're no longer wasting time stuck in traffic and have the flexibility of being at home. Given the longevity of the pandemic, we see a shift in our 'new normal' way of working with many companies finding that a balance of office working and working-from-home will become mainstream for many.
So if companies are seeing a permanent shift like this be more plausible, what does that mean for us? What parts of our daily work life need to change along with this?
For all the benefits that working from home has brought to many people, there's an often missed downside that is plaguing people and they didn't even see it coming.
Without realising it's happening, we're becoming a faceless computer screen - others are only seen as "Jane is typing..." rather than the human attached to the keyboard on the other end.
With remote work comes less human interaction, less face-to-face contact, and potentially less team cohesion.
Humans are built to subconsciously read the body language of others and see their reactions to what we say. Apart from video calls, the rest of remote work strips that out, so how do we know that we're communicating with others in the way we intend it to be received?
Albert Mehrabian's 7-28-55 Rule states that 7% of meaning is communicated through words, 38% through tone of voice, and 55% through body language. His studies suggested that people overwhelmingly deduce our feelings, attitudes, and reactions to what someone says not by the actual words themselves, but by the speaker's body language and tone of voice.
Although it is difficult to properly quantify the particular splits above, it forces us to think about how the lack of body language and tone of voice can work against us when communicating through emails. It heightens the importance of correctly chosen words and phrases, and how we structure our emails when communicating with others.
In the last 18 months of working from home, I have had many occasions where a well-intentioned email has been taken "incorrectly" or at least not in the way that I had in mind, so maybe I was the one who was incorrect rather than the recipient?
At work, I'm often someone that puts all my focus on the tasks at hand and is only driven by the data and facts laid out in front of me. I'm often blind to others' feelings and opinions on the tasks. Without a healthy dose of factual data and a personable approach, I've found emails I've sent to be taken in an unexpected way.
I've received emails from direct reports that seem to be an outburst of annoyance in response to an email I've sent. Determined to find the root cause of why I kept receiving negative replies and feedback, I decided to investigate whether my email writing was to blame.
"Faceless" emails have been in our lives for decades, but the real shift to it becoming the norm for many more people in their work life has only been a recent change. I hope that some of the ideas in this post help others to become better, email creators in their work lives.
Don't send an email, use voice-to-voice communication
We know that we accomplish much more by talking to others, but we've become afraid of offending others and afraid of embarrassment. We shy away from face-to-face debates in case we cannot handle the immediate environment we could find ourselves in. An email is seen as a method of communication that allows us more time to formulate a response. It gives us an opportunity to write an email that we see as bullet-proof. So much so, we end up in a feedback loop where what we write becomes more and more validated in our own minds.
Human contact is so important yet were reluctant to it and would rather sending each other emails, and texts.
I'm not saying that we shouldn't send an email as a follow-up or to summarise a conversation, but going back and forth via email probably isn't the best method of communication. If you find yourself in an email thread that is going back and forth, consider calling a meeting instead - especially if there are many people in copy.
Read your email back to yourself
If you're unsure whether your email might be a bit harsh, read your email out loud to yourself in an aggressive tone.
If the message sounds aggressive, sprinkle in some 'email softeners' such as "I'm sorry", "I'm afraid". For example, instead of saying "I need this done today", say "I'm sorry to drop this on you today".
This shows tactical empathy that changes the focus from what YOU need, to focusing on the email recipient getting a short deadline.
Be clear and brief
Most people are 'scanners'. A long-winded email with information buried within often just gets scanned and the key information is lost.
A clear and concise message that gets to your point immediately saves both you and the recipients time as well as drawing focus to the point of the email.
Bullet points and action statements build a clear, solid structure to an email. If you do find that your email is long and filled with needed information, consider writing it in word or putting the data in Excel and attaching it. This creates a clear separation from what you're trying to say in the email and the information needed to implement actions.
Make good use of subject lines
This should grab your reader's attention and summarise the content of the message. For example, instead of sending an email about a meeting, don't just put "Meeting". Instead, specify the type of meeting (and maybe the date) so people know what to expect with the body of your message.
Getting ahead of negatives
The fantastic book "Never Split The Difference" by Chris Voss (which will probably be referenced far too many times on this blog!) mentions this under the topic of 'Accusation Audits'.
When bringing bad news or trying to negotiate your point, think about the worst things that the recipient could say back or how they might feel. If you set out these 'worst case scenarios' at the start, you need to lay it on as thick as you can. The goal here is to have your recipient dismiss the worst possible scenarios they may have by directly calling it out. Saying things like "You're going to think I'm being really difficult", or "This is going to sound unfair", or "It probably seems like I'm being selfish". These lay the ground work and lets the other side know that you are not doing those things. It creates a sense of empathy and starts to build respect.
The last impression is the lasting impression
We all want to open an email up with flowery, nice comments. You need to cut & paste it to the end of the email.
Social research shows that people do not remember things how they happen.
People remember the most intense moment and the last thing. With bad communication, the most intense moment is often the last moment - even if there wasn't an intense moment, the still remember the last thing.
You need to use this to your advantage when finishing emails as that's what people remember.
For example, instead of starting an email with "I'm writing you this email to work things out. We really want to continue to work with you and have a lasting relationship." Pick it up and put it at the end of the email.
Ending the email on pure truth and a great, positive message will leave a lasting impression.
This is the first blog post on my site so I understand that it's not going to be my best, but I really hope that you've enjoyed reading it and that someone out there finds some value in it.
